A Thought


I had a thought today.  The kind of thought that would cause my sister to say, “April, you are completely negative!” Or possibly prompt the response, “It was your choice to move away.”  A statement that causes me to think that might be good enough, if I’d had control over all the variables, but that is ridiculous.

Sometimes I miss family far away.  I wish we could do more together, without distance, money, grief, judgement nor time getting in the way.

Even as a child, I longed for relatives:  my Grandparents, a few states away, aunts and uncles across country.  When we went to visit, and I was surrounded by people I to whom I was related, and  half-dozen or so cousins who I barely knew, I was in heaven.  I felt somehow complete.

I see families in church together, and am filled with longing.  I envy those sisters I see shopping together at the mall, thrift shops, flea markets, and garage sales.  Seeing grandparents out for lunch with their grandchildren, or talking about the kids games, or performances makes my heart ache.  Sometimes it is just an object in my home, a childish gift made at school, and I am filled with longing.  Sometimes it is just something about the weather, the temperature, the wind that reminds me of days gone by.

Somehow, I seem unfinished just on my own.  I’m not sure this is a sign of good mental health, so I get busy taking care of my own life.  I turn my attention to my home and garden, my friends, my pets, and my interests.   I keep myself distracted and the feeling passes.

Most of the time, I am busy and don’t think about it much.  But once in a while, I have a thought.

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