Adoption, Part 2

Our birth children were very supportive of the idea of adoption, and our only daughter put in a request for a sister. The first step in learning about adoption was to take classes for all prospective foster and adoptive parents. The county wants to make sure prospective parents know what they are getting themselves into, because the worst thing for a child removed from home of their birth parents, is a failed adoption.

After fingerprinting and a background check, we then attended classes. The county tries to prepare prospective parents for adoption realities by informing them of every possible really horrible thing that could happen, and were so effective that we took two months afterwards to think and talk about what we had learned.

It is addiction and the accompanying neglect that results in so many children ending up in the foster care system. Active abuse is often inflicted upon the child by those involved in their care. Hunger, uncertainty, fear, and violence fill the life of a child removed to the foster care system. Dependence upon others is not seen as an option by these children. Children in the system have learned that they cannot depend upon adults, and the system designed to help them severs the fragile relationships that they still value. The result is a condition known as attachment disorder.

Family is the first option for foster care. The fortunate child will end up in the care of a grandparent. These foster parents also go through the classes, and learn more about what their grandchild may have experience, and learn ways to deal with emotional damage the child carries. Grandparents, like all foster parents, receive legal status as the primary caregiver for the child, jointly with the county, while fostering the child. Because separation from a birth parent is so traumatic, the primary goal of foster care is to reunify the child with the birth family. Foster parents often become mentors for birth parents, with the goal of reuniting the child’s family.

But often the effort to reunite the child with its birth family is not possible. Some parents are so involved with their addictions that they willingly sign away their parental rights. Certain crimes resulting in jail for the parent may cause the court to sever the parent’s rights. It can take up to two years to prepare these children for adoption.

The ground rules are simple.

1) The commitment to become a parent through adoption is permanent once you introduce yourself to your child. There is no turning back, no changing your mind. There are some cases where adoptions fail, but these are extreme situations, and very rare.

2) Never strike the child. No spanking, slap, swat, etc. What the child has experienced is far beyond anything a reasonable person would ever consider. Corporal punishment would only reinforce the view that adults cannot be trusted, and violence is the way to get people to do what you want. While persuasion is often difficult and time-consuming is it the way to win trust and respect.

3) Never leave your child alone. The child has been self-reliant for a long time already, and bonding takes time together. An older child will see this constant attention as a lack of trust. Trust of each other will come with time, but first parent and child must learn about each other. An abused child will not understand healthy expression of affection, so go slowly.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Adoption, Part 2

Add yours

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

Darryl Callahan Media

The Canadian Bearded Blogger & Broadcaster. Bringing All Media Content To One Pace.

Elena Peters

midlife blogger & pinterest master

WELCOME TO CRYSTAL'S SITE(ORIGINALLY COUNTRY LIVING)

FAMILY, COUNTRY LIVING, ANIMALS AND MORE

Suzie Speaks

The Adventures Of a Thirty-Something Life

Phenderson Djèlí Clark

The Musings of a Disgruntled Haradrim . . .

The Ethical Traveller

Find your own happiness & stay there

Ravi'S Blog

Java Fever

scauthor

The greatest WordPress.com site in all the land!

Sometimes Stellar Storyteller

Writing by numbers, outside of the lines

lifelessons - a blog by Judy Dykstra-Brown

Reflections on Life through poetry, essays and photos

The Leafy Paw

On the Soul of the World • Amber MV

From Sand to Gemstones

Refining Life's Ragged Edges

helen meikle's scribblefest

writer editor proofreader

Lost Property Repository

The Repository of the lost and wordless

Windblownwords

A blog about living and writing.

April's Perspective

looking at news and our lives

The Gad About Town

All posts copyright 2013–2017 by Mark Aldrich.

The Blog Propellant

Prompts to give your writing a little propulsion

artifiswords

This is where I use my words...and share with you

Boringbug

An ongoing collection of blogs and updates to flex your reading muscles.

Hot White Snow

A site for my creative writing endeavors, writing prompt responses, and experimentation.

DESIGNWITHFLAIR

creativity inspired by the spontaneity of scribble

%d bloggers like this: